


Doctor, I Can't Tell If I'm Not Me.

by ZerrekTheDog



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Blood and Gore, Borderline Personality Disorder, Demonic Possession, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Mental Health Issues, Multi, later on, might not actually be BPD lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-09-27 13:42:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20408689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZerrekTheDog/pseuds/ZerrekTheDog
Summary: It has been 9 months now, getting close to some sort of fucked up anniversary he would have to look forward to if he had to stay longer, the padded walls of his room giving him something to lean on for the moment as the thought of staying here longer plagued his mind. His once vibrant emerald hair and aqua blue eyes that held such joy and anticipation of good things to come had faded into former darker shades, his gaze foggy and seemingly lifeless much like a doll's eyes, but there was still a small pigmented piece of humanity in there ... a hope of going home. A hope of being normal again.Aka jack if he was in a mental hospital and mark meets him there toonew chapters will be added at random





	1. Let's Get To Business

Lights flicker and the hallways echo of footsteps on both the top and bottom floors, along with that odd smell of artificial fresheners that stung when you first entered the building, the constant cool air of the ventilation adding to that odd heavy feeling in your chest, but eventually you get used to it. Especially when you're stuck there for quite a long time. It happened day in and day out, this hospital running 24/7 with a close eye on its patients, never letting anyone see the outside world once they stepped in.

It has been 9 months now, getting close to some sort of fucked up anniversary he would have to look forward to if he had to stay longer, the padded walls of his room giving him something to lean on for the moment as the thought of staying here longer plagued his mind. His once vibrant emerald hair and aqua blue eyes that held such joy and anticipation of good things to come had faded into former darker shades, his gaze foggy and seemingly lifeless much like a doll's eyes, but there was still a small pigmented piece of humanity in there ... a hope of going home. A hope of being normal again.

Soon the doctor would call for him on the intercom like they usually did after the lunch hours, as soon as they clock would strike 1:30pm. Till then he had time to try reasoning himself that this was okay, that being here he would be able to get help and soon get out as the person he once was; not this split personality mess of a human being. His weary eyes looks up to the clock with a slight shaky movement, the numbers read out as 1:28pm with time dotting away with each second as the eight turned to a nine. With a shaky sigh he mentally prepared for this to be short and hopefully painless, as in the past they would go on for hours.

Soon enough the sound of the intercom flickering on with static woke him out of his trance, looking up towards the device they had installed very high towards the corner of his room and out of reach.

_“ Sean William McLoughlin, please prepare for testing appointment #267, Doctor Mathews will be expecting you along with his new nurse who will be taking notes on your performance today, standby for 10 minutes. You will be taken to room #33B, please be on your best behavior. Any signs of resistance will be met with discipline.“_

At the last part he tilted his head in confusion as to what they meant. Since when were they taking in new nurses? And why on him of all people? Last thing he ever wanted was an outsider to see what he was dealing with, wanting to keep it private with Dr. Matthews who he had known now for the last few months before his first doctor met a … unfateful demise. Another patient with schizophrenia and a plastic fork was all it took for the doctor to lose his life, a quick jab to the brain and then the electric chair for the poor convict. It was disgusting, but a part of him seemed to shiver in a sick thrill of it all which he quickly dismissed. The more he ignored it, the better it would be to cope in the future. He wasn’t going to let it take him over again.

  
As the minutes passed he slowly lifted himself up, struggling a bit with his arms still strained under the straight jacket with the belt loops hanging low and clicking against each other, sighing and stretching a bit preparing for the guards to come grab him. Hopefully this new nurse wouldn’t spread word about his oddity too badly, but then again he was pretty sure you had to sign a waiver to even get a job like this where everything was kept secret and inside this building unless told otherwise. A knock at the cell padded door caught his attention, stepping back slightly while they opened revealing the usual same-faced officers that were here to lead him to his appointment.

They knew he wasn’t going to cause too much trouble, but there had been times in the past where brute force was used and he was forcibly dragged across the floor to get to his more important appointments, but the Irishmen merely shrugged and walked up to them without much worry. “ .. This’ll be quick Mr. Mcloughlin, the doctor wants to address some new policies and such. He didn’t tell us much, but we hope it won’t be too stressful on you. “ One cop said with an arm hooking under his own and gripping him, pulling him out of the room with him as Sean followed much to his unliking but was overall neutral about the situation. “ 'm not surprised, they don’t tell y’ much huh? “ Sean muttered out in response to their sentence, the cop merely nodding while the other followed behind not bothering to say a word.

The ride through the elevator was nothing to note, nothing but quiet shuffling and hearing the buttons go off as they finally reached the floor they needed to be on, the officers pushing forward and forcing Sean to go with, making their way down the eerie hallway of closed doors and the odd feeling of death lingering; they were near the hospital wing, where most patients are still bedridden and forced to be hooked up to machines. It was sickening, but nothing much could be done for them, so Sean didn’t even bother looking while the inner voice in his head was mocking and laughing at their poor fates. He merely shook his head out of that headspace and kept an eye out for the room number, the number 33B soon coming into view and the door already ajar. From there the officers let him go once they crossed the doorway, then shutting it tightly behind them. It was an average sized room with a few well placed chairs and a large window that was made to be viewed from one side along the further side of the wall, and an intimidating pair of cuffs attached to the lower part of the table. No one besides himself and the officers were in the room, a sudden sound coming from a speaker that was lodged in the side of window beckoning his name. A recognizable voice spoke out; It was Dr. Matthews, but why was he behind the interrogation glass? It was beyond him to really try figuring it out, instead falling silent and letting his gaze fall to the large glass opening only seeing his own reflection.

_“ Ah! Sean, thank you for being patient with us. As you know your appointments have been going rather well! My nurse here is going to take note of things and soon meet you as well. If you may, please take a seat, for we will be asking questions as to update what needs to be done for your treatment while you are in our custody. “_

This was definitely different than how they usually did it, with the whole behind glass and talking through a speaker ordeal they decided apparently. He was so used to talking to the doctor face to face that it felt alien to just simply stare at his own reflection, which was anything but unsightly. He simply nodded however, using a foot to pull out a chair before sitting and trying to get as comfortable as you could with wooden seats. “ Alright doc .. ‘m all ears fer this. “ Sean replied his gaze back on the window looking as miserable as ever, hair astray and noticeable bags under his eyes, along with the noticeable scar still across his throat.

_“ Good to hear Sean. We’ll be starting out with simple questions and go from there. Does that sound agreeable? “_

“ Yeah, that’s fine doc. “

_“ Alright. First question: Is your memory still working well? What is your name and date of birth? ”_

“ .. m’ name is Sean William Mcloughlin .. born February 7th .. 1990. “

_“ What day were you admitted here Sean? ”_

“ .. October 1st I believe … it’s kinda hard t’ remember since I don’t have a calendar trackin’ that down. “

_“ Alright, no sign of amnesia or memory loss still ..good. - Make sure you’re writing this down, I know it’s hard on your first day .. - okay Sean, can you tell us why you are here? Or would you rather not say? “_

“ .. I’d rather not say doc .. kinda werkin’ on just .. ignorin’ it. “

_“ Very well. Last questions are nothing too crazy. Have you thought of suicide or ways of doing so in the last few weeks? “_

“ .. Hard t’ say. A part of me wants’ta, but I know it wouldn't resolve anythin’. “

_“ Good for you to recognize those thoughts and counteract them Sean. Alright, I will now have my assistant walk into the room with you. From there .. things will get a bit different than usual. “_

Those words made his throat go tight, looking at the glass in a mix of shock and confusion. What exactly did they mean by that? Why was he hesitant to say it? Before he could even question it out loud the clicking of the door caught his attention, turning both him and his seat a bit to get a good look at who this so-called assistant was. The officers stepped aside with one holding the door open as they stepped in; wow. He definitely wasn’t expecting that. In his head he saw a shy girl or some young college student who didn’t know what they were doing, but instead they were indeed a full grown man, probably his age at this point. They had somewhat prominent asian features and quiet the muscular form with glasses resting on the bridge of his nose, slick back hair that looked way too nice to be real and a certain chill vibe about him. Sean merely stared for a moment until their eyes met, his gaze breaking and clearing his throat. The assistant only gave a hopeful smile and made his way forward grabbing a seat of his own.

“ .. Sorry If uh.. This isn’t a good first impression, seeing you in a straight jacket and stuff but uh .. I’m going to be working with Dr. Matthews. My name is Mark. Mark Edward Fischbach. “ he sounded so sure of himself and so relaxed it was odd, but perhaps he was just playing it cool as to not come off as nervous on the first day. Sean relaxed a bit looking up to them and scooting a bit forward towards the table. “ .. Um .. nice t’ meet ya, Merk. “ he responded, a part of him wanting to reach out to shake hands at least but the straight jacket said otherwise, leaning forward on the table and resting on his elbows. “ Now .. I was told that you have a .. split personality correct? .. Dr. Matthews says he wants me to interact with that other person in your head .. to get some notes down. “ Sean only shot straight up hearing that, looking a bit mortified. Are they seriously gonna throw this guy in the line of fire like a test guinea pig? Mark noticed this almost immediately and leaned back a bit, looking confused by their sudden outburst, even one of the cops seemed unnerved by it a bit. “ No no no, there must be a mistake- y’ can’t .. y’ just can’t see that side ‘f me. Even ‘f I am in a straight jacket, what if he breaks out?? “ Sean sputtered in an obviously worried tone, looking towards the glass straight at where he believed the doctor on the other side who was perfectly safe and sound may be sitting. “ Dr. Matthews! Y’ can’t be serious right?? Y’ know me, we’ve done this fer long enough now! I don’t want him hurtin’ people! “

_“ Sean! Please .. calm down. You are not going to harm our new assistant in this interaction. We have you tied more securely than we would, the locks on your straight jacket are held by remote control which is controlled by me, and the magnet holding it together is at 100%. We have updated our technology Sean, and we have the guards inside with you, they have the order to sedate you if things go wrong, okay? You need to relax, and let out the one you call ‘Anti’. “_

Hearing the name, that godforsaken name made a heavy heat build in his chest, feeling strong enough to make him wince and tremble in place. It was like a trigger word for him, the mere mention of this odd inner demon making him quake and feel sore all over. A worried glance at the doctor was the last thing he saw in his reflection before he felt everything go cold, body lurching forward passing out completely with mere little twitches running down his spine. Mark, who had been sitting through all this, seemed just as unnerved as Sean was, watching them all forward and even jumping a bit. Should he get an ambulance? Maybe perform CPR? A loud snap and a sharp noise brought him out of his thoughts, the sound that Sean had made not even close to human. It sounded .. hungry, ravenous, like a lion’s growl. Slowly the body sat up, Sean rolling his shoulders with sharp snaps and this sudden eerie smile resting on his features. When they met eyes it was obvious this wasn’t Sean, their pupils were dilated and that grin on his face was just too confident and malicious to be the panicked patient moments before. With a shaky voice and carefully picked words, Mark broke the uncomfortable silence.

“ … Se- … Anti? “

**“ You cal͝led͢, M̸e͏rk͏? "**  



	2. Face Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being a bit short, just an update if anything and to keep the ball rolling.

Whatever sound came out of the man before him wasn't remotely human. The words were there but they clicked in and out of frequency like a broken radio connection, almost in a painful manner. Just what the hell did he get into? He wasn't a religious man by any means, but this being before him had a certain atmosphere about him that was completely unworldly.

The sound of the belt buckles clicking snapped him back to reality watching his patient pull a bit on the sleeves from inside the straight jacket, giving a cracking giggle out soon giving up and fixating his gaze back at the man before him with an uneasy look in his eye. **"̸ t͢he̵y t̕ie͠d m' u̧p̷ ̷re͏a͘ļ ̕w͝ell hu͏h͏ ҉..̷ s͟uc̡h a̴ sham҉e,͟ I reall͜y͡ ̴want̢ȩd us͝ t̸' ̷get͘ t' know ̧e͠a͢ch͟ ͞othe̵r ͝a bi҉t b͝ette̕r̶.͝ ̕"** he teased, flashing a pair of gnarly teeth as he spoke that Mark was sure he never noticed before, double elongated canines adorned his smile that obscured his lips like an animal on both his upper and lower jaw. This was no case of split personality disorder he'd ever seen before. Reaching down to the side of his jacket with a shaky hand he retrieve a small notebook in which he had been using to take down notes of the session so far, as it was a requirement for a report he knew he would have to file later.

“ Y- .. yes well .. The suit is more for your protection rather than us, A- Anti. “ he explained with a bit of constriction in his throat, feeling as though he would suffocate if he was any closer to this odd being. It watched his every moment with all the intentions to strike like a cobra had it not been for the jacket keeping him in place, giving a bit of a distorted chuckle at their response. **“ wha͜tevȩr help͢s y͞'͏ ̧sļeep t'n̸ight͠.̨ “** it teased with a cackle, sitting back in the chair with a reluctant posture clearly not giving a single shit at this point. Mark only shrugged this off, rationalizing his mind and knowing he was safe; there were guards trained at the door and the technology they had him tied up in was clearly enough to sustain him, as Dr. Matthews had explained before this wouldn’t be the first time meeting this odd doppelganger. He couldn’t help but glance at the window once more knowing the doctor was on the other side and probably taking notes also on the situation so far, feeling a bit more unease remembering what Sean had said before fainting.

_ “y’ just can’t see that side ‘f me. Even ‘f I am in a straight jacket, what if he breaks out??” _

The panic was clear in his tone, and he had a reason to be afraid. Whatever he was dealing with before him had experience in hurting people and apparently ones in sessions like these. Shaking off any last scared thoughts the faster he finished this assessment the quicker he’d be out of here and can help Sean out in the end. “ .. Okay Anti. Is there anything I should know about you before we move forward? Any sort of warnings or side notes? “ he questioned out as calmly as he could, the patient giving a slight twitch of his shoulder; some sort of spastic movement; and pausing a moment to think. **“ … w̶ell͢,̛ mer͏k̶.̡ all̸ y̨' ҉need͜ t͞'҉ ͜k͝no͢w͢ i͡s̛ that ye͢r ͠m͟ak͡in͘' th̸in̶gs ͢a͜ ̨l͢ot҉ ̸easie͢r fer ̕me.̴ i͝ll ̡bre̸ak͜ ou̢t̡ s̶o͘on ͘enough, n̨' sk̶in y͏' ̡a̕l̷i҉v͝e. “** Anti’s statement ended with a sharp growl that rolled out of his throat, his grin now more of an impatient scowl.

“ .. I understand your frustrations Anti. You .. apparently have a history here, involving the injury or death of others for your own entertainment. However, I can assure you .. as the doctor’s and Sean’s personal health care assistant, you won’t be a problem anymore. “ he spoke out so bravely that he wasn’t sure if this was him talking, perhaps it was just his personal care for others that made him stand up against something he seemingly feared at first? It was surprising, but didn’t regret a word he spoke hoping it would break some sort of wall down that would lead to Sean’s eventual clarity. He watched as the entity’s entire facial expression shifted a bit to something of both shock and confusion, then finally resting to some odd amusement with a fanged-smile and a calmed sigh escaping him. **“.̵. ̶i ̵w̛o͜n͢t҉ ͘l͢i҉e ̵me̴rk, ͢yer҉ ͟a͜ ҉co̢n̵fi͟ḑent ̢lil͠ c̵ric͢k̨et. ͝i̶'ll e͘n͢j͡oy b̛r̢e̡a̢kin' yer̴ b͏on͝es͞. “** he teased in an all-knowing-tone, one that Mark was beginning to get sick of more than feared, watching the assistant jot down something in the notebook. Once he finished he sat up a bit, clearing his throat a bit, he flipped through a few pages until landing on one specifically and then moving his gaze back to the one before him. Before he could speak, a voice rang out in the speakers practically startling him as Anti merely glanced over to the speaker that decorated the side of the glass.

_“ I believe we are finished here, gentlemen. I’ve seen enough. “_


End file.
